Well, after my last couple of posts about the changes in my life I figured it was time for a more upbeat post! I was just catching up on Rhonda's blog and she has written about happiness and I thought to myself that while I am still adjusting to the changes I am making in my life currently and feel let down, I am happy. For many years there, I was not. I was 'searching' for happiness but little did I know that I was not going to find it by accumulating more things or getting a better job or by finding more friends. It was actually very accessible and it was within me rather than outside of me. Might not make sense to you but that statement rings true for me! And to be very honest, the more I simplify, the more joy I feel. These days I love to be at home - cooking meals, homekeeping, being with E, crafting and pottering. I love the simple pleasures of talking with friends. I love nature and getting my camera out to take a photo of a beautiful flower or tree. I love spending time with Mum, Dad, Anthony & Leanne. I especially love any time spent with Kate. And, I love my work. I love a lazy Sunday too!
These days, I don't spend much money on "things". Yes, I am on a very tight budget currently but you know what? I don't feel the urge to spend anyway. And that in itself makes me happy. It brings a smile to my face to know that when I do find something that I just have to have, I will have the money there because I have not spent it on rubbish things.
On a side note, I received my electricity bill and it is $84.50 less than my previous bill!!! My daily kWh usage is down to 22.0kWh - only a little down on the last one but nevertheless it is on the way down! Baby steps...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I Wish The Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me...
I was driving around on Monday and the Matchbox 20 song "Real World" came on and I really connected with this line - if only I could shut the real world out for a bit so that I can get my head together and work out where to go from here...
Kate told me today that she worries for me and about how stressed I must be. The weird thing is that I don't feel too stressed. I just feel sad. But on a positive note I also feel optimistic! In a way I feel like there are all these opportunities for me to choose from. But, my personality being what it is, I will procrastinate for awhile no doubt. My financial situation will however make me move faster - at least in the short term. I need to get a job. We are in the process of selling our business and are currently only taking home a small wage so I need to supplement that until we sell. Kate has told me just to focus on me and E and if that means a full time job so be it, she will work the business. However I feel an obligation and committment to her so I am searching for a way to work three days a week in a job and three days in the business, just until we sell. And at this point I don't care what job I do. Once we sell, then I can think about the future.
The best thing is that over the last few months I have stopped my spending and reduced my expenses while also stockpiling some food (not much but some!). I think that may be why I don't feel so stressed. I know that we have food and also that I can provide food for us that won't cost so much because I can cook from scratch. I also have a small buffer in the bank.
Mum and Dad have offered for us to go and live with them if need be. I am resisting this because I feel like I finally have to stand on my own two feet. The last time I lived by myself with just E she was one and I had just gone through two armed robberies at work. I just about had a nervous breakdown and struggled at night on my own. My fear of someone breaking in was so great that most nights I just did not sleep. That was how John came to eventually start staying over again. I thank him for being there for me whenever I needed him. But time has passed and I am now able to sleep alone in the house by myself. I still get nervous but I have to do this if I am ever going to have my life back. I have come to realise in the last week that for me to move on I need to be on my own again. It has taken me about seven years to work this out!
Kate told me today that she worries for me and about how stressed I must be. The weird thing is that I don't feel too stressed. I just feel sad. But on a positive note I also feel optimistic! In a way I feel like there are all these opportunities for me to choose from. But, my personality being what it is, I will procrastinate for awhile no doubt. My financial situation will however make me move faster - at least in the short term. I need to get a job. We are in the process of selling our business and are currently only taking home a small wage so I need to supplement that until we sell. Kate has told me just to focus on me and E and if that means a full time job so be it, she will work the business. However I feel an obligation and committment to her so I am searching for a way to work three days a week in a job and three days in the business, just until we sell. And at this point I don't care what job I do. Once we sell, then I can think about the future.
The best thing is that over the last few months I have stopped my spending and reduced my expenses while also stockpiling some food (not much but some!). I think that may be why I don't feel so stressed. I know that we have food and also that I can provide food for us that won't cost so much because I can cook from scratch. I also have a small buffer in the bank.
Mum and Dad have offered for us to go and live with them if need be. I am resisting this because I feel like I finally have to stand on my own two feet. The last time I lived by myself with just E she was one and I had just gone through two armed robberies at work. I just about had a nervous breakdown and struggled at night on my own. My fear of someone breaking in was so great that most nights I just did not sleep. That was how John came to eventually start staying over again. I thank him for being there for me whenever I needed him. But time has passed and I am now able to sleep alone in the house by myself. I still get nervous but I have to do this if I am ever going to have my life back. I have come to realise in the last week that for me to move on I need to be on my own again. It has taken me about seven years to work this out!
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